#9: Making new friends as an adult (in London or anywhere)

This is not a guide. I'm still trying to figure this out.

First of all: sorry for disappearing for a while. I know I haven’t written or posted anything in a bit, and I appreciate you sticking around. The truth is, I’ve had a bit of a hard time. A lot of change has been happening in my life, and I needed some space to process it all (and if you’ve been here a while, you’ll know that I am extremely sensitive lol).

Art by Sara Hagale (shagey_)

Specifically, my friends have been leaving London. One by one, the people I carefully built my social circle around over the past decade have started packing up, either moving out of the city or leaving the UK entirely. And while I completely understand their reasons, rent is too high, life here is intense, and change is inevitable, it doesn’t make it any easier to be the one left behind.

I bought a flat here. I love London (most days), and I want to stay. But in the past few weeks, I’ve found myself feeling a bit lost. My social circle, the one I relied on, has gotten smaller and smaller, and the thought of trying to build a new one from scratch feels exhausting.

I’ve been in a bit of a sad state (still am, if I’m being honest). But here’s the thing: I really don’t like complaining and feeling sorry for myself without at least trying to do something about it.

And I know I’m not alone in this. So many people in their late 20s and early 30s go through the same thing—whether it’s because of life transitions, moving to a big city like London, or just the natural drifting that happens as we get older.

So, I figured, why not take you along on my quest to make new, like-minded friends?

My non-negotiable list (don’t worry, nothing crazy)

I don’t need to be best friends with my twin soul (though that would be nice). But after some thought, I’ve realised there are a few things I’d really like in new friendships. So, here’s my short and hopefully reasonable list:

1. They actually like London.
   I don’t mean they have to be obsessed with it, but they should at least want to be here. A lot of my friends who left had been talking about leaving for ages—and understandably, they had their complaints. But in the months before they actually moved, the negativity got a little overwhelming. I get it! London is expensive, chaotic, and exhausting. But it’s also full of possibility and energy, and I want to be around people who are at least trying to love it back.

2. They live somewhat nearby.
   This one sounds minor, but it’s actually so important. London is huge, and if you live in East and your friend lives in South, seeing each other basically requires a long-haul commute. (For reference: the travel time is similar to taking the train from Düsseldorf to Frankfurt.) I want to find people within a 30-minute radius—because as much as I love deep connections, I also love convenience.

3. They’re in a similar life stage.
   This one is less of a strict rule and more of a nice to have. But ideally, I’d love to meet people who are also in long-term relationships and thinking about having kids in the next few years. It’s just nice to have friends who are navigating the same things in life.

That’s it. That’s my list.

Now comes the scary part—actually meeting new people. And honestly? Making new friends as an adult is so much more nerve-wracking than dating, in my opinion.

My plan (for now)

I have no idea if this is going to work. But I’m going to try, and I’ll report back. Here are three things I’m going to attempt in my quest for new friends:

1. Run clubs.
   Yes, I know. But hear me out—people swear by this as a way to meet others in their area. The only problem? I don’t actually run. At all. And I’m not sure how I’m supposed to hold a conversation while also trying not to pass out. So, this one is high risk, high reward.

2. Pottery classes.
   This feels more my speed. I’ve been wanting to try pottery for ages, and now feels like the perfect time. Plus, when you meet people in a class, you already have something in common, which is nice.

3. Book clubs.
   Another thing that has been popping up everywhere. I love reading, I love talking about books, and I love the idea of having a built-in reason to meet up regularly. I haven’t decided if I’ll join an existing one or start my own—or maybe I’ll just do both.

That’s the plan. Will it work? No idea. But I’ll let you know.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, I’d love to hear from you—how did you make new friends? What worked? What didn’t? Let’s figure this out together.

As always, thank you for being here. I appreciate you more than you know. 💛