#2: Why I didn’t go to my childhood best friend’s wedding

Dealing with the end of friendships that shaped us

Dec 15, 2024

Childhood friends are the people we share our earliest experiences with.

They’re the ones we grew up alongside, went to kindergarten with, and shared countless firsts—first sleepovers, first heartbreaks, first big adventures.

Back then, these friendships felt unshakable, like they’d last forever. But as life moves on, so do people. Some leave the towns they grew up in, others stay.

Recently, I was invited to my childhood best friend’s wedding.

Well, sort of. She sent me a PDF invitation with no note, just six weeks before the wedding. It left me in a dilemma.

I wanted to support her, but I’d already committed to a 30th birthday party for a close friend from my adult life—someone I talk to and see regularly.

What should I prioritise? Do I honour the nostalgic bond with my childhood friend, someone I see only once a year? Or do I stick to my commitment to the friend who’s part of my present-day world?

Ultimately, I chose the birthday. But the decision wasn’t easy, and it left me feeling conflicted and sad. It stirred up questions about childhood friendships: how they fade without us realising, and when—if ever—it’s okay to let them go.

The truth is, my childhood friend and I don’t have much in common anymore, except precious childhood memories. And while there’s undeniable magic in a friendship that’s lasted since we were kids, I’ve come to understand that longevity isn’t always the best measure of a relationship.

Yes, there’s something irreplaceable about someone who knows the real, unfiltered you from your formative years. But sometimes, we stay in old friendships simply because they’ve always been there, without considering what they bring to our current lives.

It’s not easy to let go of a friendship that once meant everything, but I’m learning that it’s okay. Friendships, like all relationships, evolve—or sometimes, they don’t. And when they don’t, it’s important to check in with yourself.

Beyond shared memories, are you truly connecting? Do you still share values, interests, or even mutual care? If not, it’s okay to make space for relationships that feel more aligned with who you are now.

That doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty or sad about missing the wedding. Part of me will always wonder if I should have been there. But I also know that prioritising the life I’m building—the people I talk to and see weekly, the ones who are actively part of my day-to-day—feels right.

There’s a balance between honouring the past and embracing the present. Childhood friendships don’t have to disappear completely, but it’s okay if they fade into the background as we grow.

Sometimes, holding on too tightly to the past can keep us from fully experiencing what’s right in front of us.

Things I’m reading ☕️

Why Is It So Hard to Maintain Friendships From Your 20s in Your 30s?
Another take on drifting away from your oldest friend
The end of our extremely online era - are we done with the internet?
People are turning to chatbots to solve all their life problems, and they like its answers.
Remembering Cyberia, the World’s First Ever Cyber Cafe in London

Books 📚

Okay, I’m finally getting into Sally Rooney’s Intermezzo. I will say for now: this is not my favourite book as it’s way to descriptive and over intellectualised for my liking, but it’s getting better the more time I spend with the characters (I still have a hard time connecting with them though). Not done yet, so will report back once I’m finished. I’m also reading Doppelganger by Naomi Klein, which I’m really enjoying so far! Picked this up in Books Are Magic in Brooklyn.

Things I’m loving at the minute 🌝

My St Agni bag - Had her for 3 months now and I really love this bag, I’m already eying up some other bags (and also these mules 😮‍💨)
Ordinary’s 100% Squalane - very nice and hydrating (one for the dry skin girlies!)
This hand cream from rituals - smells divine and would be great gift
BBC Good Food recipes: this is a bit random, but I truly love recipes from bbc good food! we made so many and they’re always a hit. I can compile my favourite ones if you’re interested in that - let me know 👀

* btw these are not affiliate links cause I haven’t figured out how to do that lol

Things I’m watching/listening to 📺

TV shows: I’m currently watching Black Doves with Keira Knightley on Netflix and really enjoying it so far (I’m a sucker for spy shows hehe). Would also recommend this interview which I found interesting - she talks about why she doesn't work abroad anymore (spoiler: because of her children), and I couldn't help thinking how many male actors have children that you sometimes don't even know about (!) and yet seem to take on every project that comes their way.

I also watched the second season of The Diplomat, also on Netflix, recommend!

Podcast: Enjoyed listening to the You’re Wrong About podcast episode about Influencers with Taylor Lorenz, interesting take on the influencer economy, why we talk and think about “being an influencer” the way we do, and how gender plays a role—particularly the fact that most influencers are women, which contributes to why the profession is often dismissed and negatively perceived.

Spotify & Apple